I’m in a lot of pain. I took my pain meds and got back in to bed this morning until it took effect. Then I could get up and get Charis ready for school. I’m actually surprised I’m so sore. Hopefully it will only take a few days to feel better. I had another itching attack again yesterday. The Benadryl must have worn off. So Jeremy and I got to a pharmacy and I got some allergy medicine and so far so good. Hopefully it doesn’t flare up again today. I hope they can find something else to use on me for the next surgery….because each surgery seems to get worse as far as the itching goes. And yes, there will be another surgery. There will probably be a few more. Aghhh….the price of beauty. I’ve had to decide if it’s worth it to me, and I think it is. I’d like to feel somewhat normal and this is helping me feel that way. I’m not about being bigger….just normal.
Clergygirl Itches, Fights Temporary Insanity.
Thanks all who were praying today. I’m doing well. Digger indentation is gone and overall I can see a positive difference. The only hang-up I’ve had is itching. Once again I had an allergic reaction to the anesthesia and as I came out of my groggy slumber it became uncontrollable. The nurse and doctor tried to do as much as they could and were very patient and good to me. I don’t know if you’ve ever experienced itching to that extent….all over your body…but let me tell you….the word insanity comes to mind. I become a very different person….a crazed person. I told Jeremy….when it is at it’s worst….I feel like yelling like a crazy lady and grabbing my nurse and begging her to help me. It really is not fun. It has now happened to me three times. After my mastectomies, then reconstruction, and now today. This time it came on quicker and was probably the worst I’ve experienced. I wanted to rip the bandages off and itch everywhere like crazy. I would have invited anyone in the area to itch with me…..lol. What a funny picture that would be. Everyone picking a spot and itching. But it would be downright gross. But Jeremy will scratch for me. What a good hubby he is! So the Benadryl only helped slightly so they got some hydrocortisone cream and we caked it all over. Finally, some relief. They decided then that I should stay the night. Much of the itching is gone thankfully. I’m on some sort of prescription and we rotate the prescription meds with the Benadryl every few hours and it keeps the itching under control, so now I can rest some.
On a good note. Before I went in to surgery Dr. D used his marker to plan out his strategy. On the sides where it pooches a bit under my armpit he suggested lipo’ing the area and asked if it was ok. Is it ok? Is it ok? He could do lipo on me anytime, anywhere! I would never not say yes to lipo anywhere but my breasts….lol! So he lipo’d my back fat and the sides of my hips a bit and after a tough cancer journey he gives me perks like this. He is genuinely a very kind man and a great surgeon. I am so grateful to have a surgeon who I really trust and who is helping me feel better about my disfigured body.
And if I sound super chatty and happy in this post, I am….lol. Thanks to a little magic pill called norco I am feel’in real good….lol! I’m just hoping I don’t come back and read this and realize how loopy I was. Because then I get embarrassed by my misspelled words and sentences that don’t make sense….lol! I have a good excuse:)
Fixing Me, Take 2
They’re going to wheel me in to th OR soon. Dr. D will be in to meet with me. Good-bye digger! Hello to symmetry! I’ll update later today.
Emmanuel
We’ve been celebrating advent in our home. I made and advent calendar with Meleah a few weeks ago and we’ve been reading through the birth of Jesus in the Bible together as a family. The kids love reading the Bible with us and then running to find the little surprise I’ve left in the calendar for them.
Lately, as we prepare for the celebration of Christ’s birth I have been reminded of the passage from Matthew 1 when the angel of the Lord appeared to Joseph and said this:
“The virgin will be with child and will give birth to a son, and they will call him Immanuel”—which means, “God with us.”
I think sometimes we don’t realize the true ramifications of what these three small words mean for us…..God….with….us. Not “God near us,” or “God around us” but God WITH us. He was genuinely God and absolutely human all at the same time.
He experienced everything that we have experienced. He experienced a messy gooey birth. He nursed. He had to be potty trained. He went through puberty, He probably had acne….lol! He knew what it was like to feel rejection, He knew what it was like to stub His toe, He knew what it was like to love and to experience sorrow. He knew what it was like to face death and to be wrongly accused. He knew great joy, happiness and laughter. He also knew great pain, great sadness, and great suffering.
For me this Christmas I am remembering that Christ’s entrance in to this world is as important as His death. It says He didn’t just die for us, but He also came to be WITH us as well.
Emmanuel……you are WITH me. Amen.
Surgery Next Week
I’m headed back to the great castle in the city also known as Northwestern. I’m scheduled for a little nip tuck surgery on Monday, although I’m still not sure what time my surgery is scheduled? I’m a tad bit nervous. I’m partially nervous because of the weather. My kids are in a Christmas program on Sunday night, so Jeremy and I planned to leave early Monday morning for the surgery. But lake effect snow might make it interesting. We’re hunkered down tonight because it’s been snowing steadily for the afternoon and the local forecast is severe weather for the next 24 hours. Unfortunately the path we take for our three-hour trip to Northwestern is probably one of the worst as far as Lake effect snow and it gets miserable over on the southern part of Michigan near Lake Michigan.
Dr. D is planning to fill in my digger indentation and work on my flaps a bit as well as even out the sides a bit. I know you can’t even begin to figure that one out, but I won’t send out pictures so you’ll just have to use your imaginations….lol! Hopefully it will help things look a little better. I think there is a good possibility I might actually be smaller after this surgery. I’m having a hard time imagining how I wouldn’t be smaller since he’s going to be pulling the flap skin in a bit. We’ll see. This is all in preparation for the small implants later this spring.
A Question?
So I’m preaching in a few weeks, the 27th to be exact, at my church. My topic is going to be something along the lines of “Moving past painful/hurtful experiences.” I’m going to be sharing some of my own cancer journey and some ideas I have about moving on with your life after cancer…..as it hasn’t always been easy….and in many ways I’m in the midst of it!
And I’m curious to hear from you. You don’t have to have survived cancer. You may have experienced a death in the family, a painful divorce or a health crisis. Whatever. There are, unfortunately many experiences that are painful and difficult to get through and move on from.
What has been a help to you as far as moving on from crisis or pain in your life? I’d love to hear your thoughts and comments! BTW….this doesn’t have to be only spiritual….it might be “I got a new job” or “I took time for myself.” Whatever…..there is no right answer here!
“I Love You Mama.”
Yesterday I was cuddling with Elijah before his nap. I got in to bed and snuggled up to him and he snuggled back, wrapping his little arms around my neck and putting his little face right at mine. I said “I love you Elijah,” and he said “I love you mama” right back to me. I can’t even tell you how much I love this….when my children start doing that. I don’t think it occurs to them to reciprocate this saying until a certain age, but when they do, it takes your breath away. It just makes me want to cry with happiness. That they would, of their own free will, tell me that they love me. It just boggles my mind. But it is so fulfilling.
It also get’s me thinking about how often as a child of God I forget to reciprocate God’s love. I’m like a child waiting for Christmas “gimme this,” and “gimme that.” Quick to offer up my prayer requests and wants, but not so quick to offer my affection to Him. I’m pretty sure God doesn’t get as frustrated with me as I get with my kids when they are constantly “wanting” something more from me. But I wonder if we take His breath away, so to speak, if He stops in His tracks, or a tear comes to His eyes when we slow down, enough, to actually adore, and love our creator, our heavenly parent, the one who loves us beyond compare or imagination?
38
It’s my birthday once again. Strange how I used to dread them like that horrible “poof” they give you at the optometrist when you know it’s coming and you really don’t want it so you flinch and pull-back with every movement because you just know it’s coming. And it doesn’t usually hurt, you just THINK it’s going to hurt…lol!
I don’t dread it anymore. I might feel a twinge of something when I’m 40, but I’m still south of that, so every year, every birthday reminds me I have one more year:
with my family,
with my kids,
with my friends,
to eat pizza and ice cream,
for long runs on warm evenings under a fire-ball sky in the summer,
to walk on the beach at Lake Michigan and watch the sun set,
to feel angry,
to feel sadness,
to see my Dad’s second book get published,
to love work,
to hate work,
to work through stressful situations,
to find reconciliation,
to encourage someone,
to make a mistake,
to cry,
to make love,
to get annoyed,
to empty the dishwasher,
to worship Jesus on a Sunday morning,
to sleep in,
to stay up late,
to watch another chick flick,
to have another birthday.
Sometimes I fail to remember, when I get caught up with the business of life, that life is not down the road, but here and now. My birthdays always bring me back to the present. They are my reality check. And I am so grateful to have another year.
Lucky
Last week I was at our family physician’s office. It’s a busy place with lots of commotion. If I didn’t like our doctor so much I wouldn’t go there. Then there’s my kids, who, for some reason decide that a physician always needs to see how active and completely annoying they can be. Maybe this proves some sort of health and well-being in a child, but I HATE taking my children to the doctor’s office. All three of them at the same time is a complete zoo. Then, the added craziness of the office is total chaos. My only salvation in this mess lately has been my iphone. Crazy, but true. If you have a toddler, the iphone can save you much grief. It’s all in the applications. You can download many of them for free and they have animal sounds, shapes, ABC’s, matching, you name it. It will keep Elijah content for quite a while. The problem is when all three of them are with me and they decide to fight over the phone. Then it’s not so fun. But Elijah usually wins the battle because he cries the loudest and he can’t sit still for more than a millionth of a second without deciding to climb the chairs and warm-up the stirrups.
So it’s always an adventure when I head to see Dr. S. But he always seems to enjoy Elijah and the girls and he doesn’t seem the least bothered by them, nor does he seem like he thinks my kids are overly crazy. Most doctors tell me this is somewhat normal for young children. Maybe it’s the lighting?
So when we went to leave the other day, I went up to the reception desk and I have to sign the paperwork really quick usually and then I leave. I’m pretty sure we have met our out-of-family maximum with our deductible, so I’m really not sure what we owe on our co-pay so I always tell them to send us the bill. And anyone with cancer knows, you decide how much you can pay each month and you just start making payments. And since I had my major reconstruction in April, I’m quite certain we’re pretty close at this point. So the office manager happens to be at the registration desk as I check out, and she asks me if I have a co-pay….and I say, “I’m not really sure,” I’m pretty sure we’ve met our deductible at this point so I’m not sure what we owe.” And with that she said “lucky you.”
So my kids were already running out the door so I had to leave, but if I hadn’t had three kids with me that I had to tear after, I would have gone back in and done a reality check with her. Because this is what I have to say…..and she should know this because she works with medical bills…..but I AM NOT LUCKY to have reached my deductible….lol! If you have reached your deductable in this day and age, chances are you either have dynamic insurance or someone in your family is seriously ill. And there’s a really great chance it’s the later possibility. Oh, or maybe I’m a hypochondriac who visits the doctor WAY too much because I have health insurance, and in that case, well, maybe then I would be considered lucky.
Bottom Line
“Fix this picture firmly in your mind: Jesus, descended from the line of David, raised from the dead. It’s what you’ve heard from me all along. It’s what I’m sitting in jail for right now—but God’s Word isn’t in jail! That’s why I stick it out here—so that everyone God calls will get in on the salvation of Christ in all its glory. This is a sure thing:
If we die with him, we’ll live with him;
If we stick it out with him, we’ll rule with him;
If we turn our backs on him, he’ll turn his back on us;
If we give up on him, he does not give up—
for there’s no way he can be false to himself.” (2 Timothy 2:8-13)
I’ve been taking a class at the local community college here in Kalamazoo. I feel pretty old when I’m at class. I’m the oldest person in the class besides the teacher. Early in the class one of the girls said “I was born the year you graduated from high school” in a sweet happy voice. Did she really need to point this out??? It always amuses me a little when the 17-year-old boy comes in and sits next to me and starts telling me how he’s SO tired and he had to risk life and limb to get to class on time at 9 am because it’s just SO hard to get up this early. I try really hard to remember that when I was that age….that was stressful to me too. But I really want to tell him everything I had to do this morning before class. Feed and dress three kids. Calm a handful of fights between three children. Get the oldest child to school. Remember all the oldest child’s homework and make sure she has a lunch packed and a snack. Hope the babysitter arrives on time. And somewhere in there hope I get a shower and can look decent for the day.
I enjoy this class. But here’s what I enjoy the most.
Each class, I am more and more surrounded by students who “casually” like to ask me about my job as a pastor. It’s not often you see a young woman pastor and they have questions. Like where I work and where I went to seminary.
One of the largest churches in the Kalamazoo area has a male and female, husband wife team as head pastors. Valley Family Church is a growing, vibrant, church making a difference in our community. Men and women are at all levels of ministry serving as God called them to serve.
1 Timothy 2:14 goes on to say: “Repeat these basic essentials over and over to God’s people. Warn them before God against pious nitpicking, which chips away at the faith. It just wears everyone out. Concentrate on doing your best for God, work you won’t be ashamed of, laying out the truth plain and simple.”
I’m growing tired of defending women in ministry. It wears me out sometimes. The world doesn’t need to see the church divided on this issue. The church needs to stop being nitpicky and focus on the task at hand: Sharing who Christ was and is.
If women shouldn’t be in ministry at any level of their giftedness, than why is someplace like Valley Family Church having such AMAZING success? Why is their ministry so fruitful?
I think the kids in my class are curious about me as a pastor because for the first time, they have seen the church as accepting rather than oppressive to people. This matters, because when the church acts in this way, Christ is seen in this way. This is the bottom line.
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