Minor Crisis

I was called out of church on Sunday to attend to my little Meleah.  I hate to admit it but I almost always think they’ve been naughty.  I will place the blame squarely with Charis, my eight year old, because she had a biting issue that lasted from the time she could crawl till she was well into her three’s.  Nothing I did worked.  And trust me, I tried it all.  Finally I started reading her a book called “Teeth Are Not For Biting,” and somehow she got the point.  But not until after she had been kicked out of the nursery for several months and yes, she did bite her preschool teacher on the first day of class.  I can laugh about it now, but my mom was with me on the first day of preschool and I sat on the sidewalk by our car and cried while she went back in to retrieve paperwork I had forgotten.   And you can imagine how this looked for me as a pastor…..pastor’s kid getting kicked out of the nursery.

Trust me, we tease Charis about this.  But only a little. 

So Meleah never gets in trouble and is a little angel for everyone but me, but I still thought….”oh crud, what did she do now!”  I feel bad about this, because I really wish my first thought would be like other moms….like “what has happened to my baby.”  Even when the school calls home I don’t think “are they ok,”  I think “what have they done!”  Does anyone else think this first or am I the only one….lol!  My second thought is usually, “are they hurt,”  but this is a definite second to “what did they do.”

So I found Meleah, and she’s with Miss Tiffany, and Meleah is in tears.  Tiffany is very calm but she warns me she’s been hurt but she stays very calm.  Miss Tiffany knows my Meleah well.  She will, without a doubt be a basket case if she thinks she’s bleeding.  So Tiffany and I carefully look at the wound and I hold Meleah.  Meleah is asking to look in a mirror.  I didn’t get a very close look at it, and I was a little scared to because the cut was just above her ear, and there was a part of me that thought her ear had separated.  So I held her and Tiffany went to get a friend who is a physicians assistant so he could asses our need to go get stitched up or not.  One look and he said yup….small but deep.  He told us they would probably use glue.  But I should tell you, the ear was not separated, so it wasn’t like it was hanging there or anything….like I had imagined when I first looked at it.

Because Jeremy is such a big softee with his girls, he wanted to take Meleah, and she wanted him to take her.  And quite frankly, I didn’t care to hold her while she screamed every time they looked at it, so he took her  to the ER. 

When she gets home, she’s so proud of her battle scar from her tiff with the wall (she ran in to a wall while dancing with friends).  She is very careful to follow EXACT directions from the doctor.  We are not allowed to touch it.  She is careful not to get it wet.  Even tonight when she got in to bed she asked Jeremy which side her wound was on so she could lay on the other side.   Meleah is very much our cautious and conscientious child. 

And all I have to say is….so small, so well glued, she won’t be able to locate that scar in a few weeks….I am so jelous =)

“I Love You Mama.”

Yesterday I was cuddling with Elijah before his nap.  I got in to bed and snuggled up to him and he snuggled back, wrapping his little arms around my neck and putting his little face right at mine.  I said “I love you Elijah,”  and he said “I love you mama” right back to me.  I can’t even tell you how much I love this….when my children start doing that.  I don’t think it occurs to them to reciprocate this saying until a certain age, but when they do, it takes your breath away.  It just makes me want to cry with happiness.  That they would, of their own free will, tell me that they love me.  It just boggles my mind.  But it is so fulfilling.

It also get’s me thinking about how often as a child of God I forget to reciprocate God’s love.  I’m like a child waiting for Christmas “gimme this,” and “gimme that.”  Quick to offer up my prayer requests and wants, but not so quick to offer my affection to Him.  I’m pretty sure God doesn’t get as frustrated with me as I get with my kids when they are constantly “wanting” something more from me.  But I wonder if we take His breath away, so to speak, if He stops in His tracks, or a tear comes to His eyes when we slow down, enough, to actually adore, and love our creator, our heavenly parent, the one who loves us beyond compare or imagination?

Lucky

Last week I was at our family physician’s office.  It’s a busy place with lots of commotion.  If I didn’t like our doctor so much I wouldn’t go there.  Then there’s my kids, who, for some reason decide that a physician always needs to see how active and completely annoying they can be.  Maybe this proves some sort of health and well-being in a child, but I HATE taking my children to the doctor’s office.  All three of them at the same time is a complete zoo.  Then, the added craziness of the office is total chaos.  My only salvation in this mess lately has been my iphone.  Crazy, but true.  If you have a toddler, the iphone can save you much grief.  It’s all in the applications.  You can download many of them for free and they have animal sounds, shapes, ABC’s, matching, you name it.  It will keep Elijah content for quite a while.  The problem is when all three of them are with me and they decide to fight over the phone.  Then it’s not so fun.  But Elijah usually wins the battle because he cries the loudest and he can’t sit still for more than a millionth of a second without deciding to climb the chairs and warm-up the stirrups. 

So it’s always an adventure when I head to see Dr. S.   But he always seems to enjoy Elijah and the girls and he doesn’t seem the least bothered by them, nor does he seem like he thinks my kids are overly crazy.  Most doctors tell me this is somewhat normal for young children.  Maybe it’s the lighting?

So when we went to leave the other day, I went up to the reception desk and I have to sign the paperwork really quick usually and then I leave.  I’m pretty sure we have met our out-of-family maximum with our deductible, so I’m really not sure what we owe on our co-pay so I always tell them to send us the bill.  And anyone with cancer knows, you decide how much you can pay each month and you just start making payments.  And since I had my major reconstruction in April, I’m quite certain we’re pretty close at this point.  So the office manager happens to be at the registration desk as I check out, and she asks me if I have a co-pay….and I say, “I’m not really sure,”  I’m pretty sure we’ve met our deductible at this point so I’m not sure what we owe.”  And with that she said “lucky you.” 

So my kids were already running out the door so I had to leave, but if I hadn’t had three kids with me that I had to tear after, I would have gone back in and done a reality check with her.  Because this is what I have to say…..and she should know this because she works with medical bills…..but I AM NOT LUCKY to have reached my deductible….lol!  If you have reached your deductable in this day and age, chances are you either have dynamic insurance or someone in your family is seriously ill.  And there’s a really great chance it’s the later possibility.    Oh, or maybe I’m a hypochondriac who visits the doctor WAY too much because I have health insurance, and in that case, well, maybe then I would be considered lucky.

My Adorible Charis (said Care-iss)

Jeremy took a photo of Charis at Biggby’s (a coffee shop in Michigan and the midwest) drinking hot chocolate.  He posted it on twitter, and it was picked up by Biggby Bob (the owner), and then it somehow got entered in this contest for Biggby’s on flickr.  I’m hoping we win and get free coffee……um….I mean free hot chocolate for Charis.  So you would make my day (since coffee so far is linked to reduced risk of cancer and you’all know you want to help me drink more coffee….lol) if you went to this link and made lovely comments about that cute little 8-year-old blonde girl with the whipped cream mustache on a date with her daddy:)

Never Tire

Last night we had parent teacher conferences.  Meleah’s young-5’s teacher put a turkey on the bulletin board with all the “secret recipes” from five-year olds on how to cook a Thanksgiving turkey.  Meleah’s recipe is in the picture above.  The recipes from these little five-year olds are really quite funny.  Most of the kids think it takes under five minutes to bake a turkey. Most think you can use a microwave.  A few, have these obscenely high numbers, but none of them really grasp time at this age.  I suppose these latter ones are the ones that see their moms get up at 5 am to put the turkey in the oven.  This is obviously not my child because she thinks it takes a little cheese, a microwave and 15 minutes.  Of course, I’m not sure she’s ever seen me really bake a turkey….lol! 

But you know, I have difficulty telling time sometimes too.  I have a hard time knowing when to be patient and when to plunge forward.  When to sit and when to stand.  When to run and when to rest.  Sometimes it makes no sense to me.  Once in a while God gives me something really clear, like cancer, where I know I need to rest in him.  Running ahead isn’t going to happen.  I just need to wait.  Or my kids.  It’s really clear that I need to give them time, usually because they’re yelling “mom” every 30 seconds.  But the large belly and the mammary glands really gave that one away.  It was a clear sign.

But you know, not all signs are clear.  Do you take a job, do you not.  Do you wait for a decision, do you not?  Do you move or do you go?  I was reading in 2 Thessalonians and I think I’ve decided something.  There is some gray matter here.  But sometimes there is not.

I think God is pretty clear that we’re not to let time slip away on some things.  Like doing good.  1 Thessalonians 3:13 says “brothers and sisters, never tire of doing good.” 

Or loving justice.  Micah 6:8 says this:

“Now, O people, the Lord has told you what is good,
      and this is what he requires of you:
   to do what is right, to love mercy,
      and to walk humbly with your God.” 

The Bible also has a lot to say about patience.  Which is interesting to me. because when I look at scripture in terms of what it says about patience and waiting, it’s always when you’re on the receiving end.  But when you’re the one making the shots, making the decision, you’re not to wait around.  Like in the above verses.  I think when we see injustice, we’re not supposed to just wait around.  When we forgive, we’re supposed to do it…..and although sometimes it does take time, God really doesn’t ever describe forgiveness in the Bible as something we should do when we feel like getting around to it.  We need to do it as soon as possible.  Justice is the same way.  When we know what is right and we look away, it’s sinning.  Pure and simple.

I’ve had some tough decisions to make lately.  Something happened to someone and I chose not to step in.  Well, I did, but only partially.  I still haven’t figured out the “right” way to deal with the issue, but I know I need to say something, to do something.  I need to love justice and I need to respond.  To not respond is to ignore the goodness of God. 

What things are you letting slip by that need a “just” response?  We like the gray sometimes.  It’s a safer place there.  It’s easier than stepping out and taking risks.  But Christ doesn’t call us to be comfortable does He?  He calls us to grow weary (never tire) with justice and he doesn’t expect us to wait till we feel like it or everybody is comfortable.

What did you say?

The neighbor girl came down this morning while I was in the shower.  As I opened the bathroom door, my 5 year old yelled “don’t show Nellie your boobie!”  Now, sensitive that I am, I felt a bit sad for a second, because although I wouldn’t go prancing out to show the neighbor girl my reconstructed breast, it did make me sad that my daughter was so embarrassed by my new breasts that she would yell that quickly to remain out of sight, so as not to be embarrassed by me.  Sigh…..

But then I realized that “boobie” is not a term we use in our home usually.  So I yelled down the hall.  Did you say “bootie” or “boobie?”  She yelled back “don’t show Nellie your butt!” 

Ohhhhh.  What a relief. 

I’m still waiting for the day my daughters are repulsed by my breasts…..but you know, it hasn’t happened yet.  They may surprise me.

Sit, Look, and Smile

This is the very reason why I’ve had a picture frame from Ikea laying in my room now for almost two years. No matter how many pictures I take SOMEONE is always misbehaving. Just look at him! I don’t know whether to be mad at him or feel sorry for him. He looks as if he thinks his sisters are the biggest headache EVER! Just wait buddy. They’re not even teenagers.
I really wish I knew how to get everyone to sit still, smile and even sort of look at the camera would work. Am I asking too much? Friends who have five children send me pictures and all I can think is “how many pictures did it take to get everyone to sit, look and smile?”  A true parental feat if I do say so myself. At some point Jeremy usually has to take the camera away because I start all sweet like ….”kids come sit down.”  I have candy for everyone who sits still and smiles for the camera. And then, a second later I’m all like “if you don’t sit still and look at the dang camera I’m going take away all the video games in the house, starve you for a week and lock you in your room.”  And as you can tell this works like a charm every time.

Look at Them There Owls!

We were out running errands today and Charis spotted Hooters Restaurant. We have never eaten there so when she announced “there’s Hooter’s” I was interested in what she might say. She seemed like she was in the “know” with Hooters and I thought to myself….just what DOES she know about hooters anyway!

I was relieved when she explained with all knowingness to her sister that Hooters was in fact a restaurant all about owls. I breathed a bit easier after she made her announcement.

When I head to the mall I find myself hoping the girls will look away when we walk by Guess or Victoria Secrets. I’m not a prude, I just don’t want them to think it’s only about the boobs and sexuality.

And who am I kidding….just today I was checking out of the grocery store and there was Jennifer Aniston in a black leather number looking thin, busty and perfect and I found myself sucking in and standing a bit straighter. Like I can even begin to compete with that.

But we try. And I’m trying to come to terms with this whole field of plastic surgery and how I really feel about reconstruction and implants. I’m certainly happy it’s all available but I don’t want to feed in to this myth that women have to be perfect or that our self worth is somehow tied in with our breasts. I think I have a secret loathing for implants and what they represent. (But on the flipside am so happy they are available to us). Our attempt for perfection. Our unwillingness to be content and acceptance in who we really are. Our willingness to let the world and others define our sexuality.

If you’ve been following me for any length of time you know I don’t come to my decisions easily….lol. So once again you’ll get to hear my ramblings. My attempt to come to terms with the next step in this process of healing and wholeness.

And the only thing I can say with certainty is that I will never work in a place “just for owls!”

Presentation and a Domestic Goddess

 

 

 

I was feeling creative today with my kids.  Lunch was octopus in a sea of green beans.  I know….how can a cancer surviving mom feed her kids hot dogs?  I’m happy to report that these are nitrate-free from Trader Joe’s:)  We are huge fans.  They ate every last bit and wanted more.   I guess it’s all in presentation, eh.

Just Hair

Does anyone see anything wrong with this picture? 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

On Thursday I came home from a long day at the leadership summit to find my sweet Melly Bell’s hair chopped once again.  This will be the third time in the past year that she has taken scissors to her hair.  I was not pleased.  I said “Melly….what did you do to your hair.”  These words drew immediate tears.  Her hands went to her face and she turned and ran away.  I am not proud of the spew that seeps from my mouth once in a while but I was pretty angry.  When she came back a few minutes later I let her have it.  “Your hair looks terrible!  Why do you do this?” 

Right now, I’m not really caring if I hurt her feelings.  I’m angry because my cute little girl is going to start young-5’s in less than a month and by golly she is going to look cute if I have to make her miserable to do it!  What is the teacher going to think with chopped bangs and a big chunk out of the side.

And just so I’m justified…..I kept thinking….this is the third freak’in time she’s done this!  She knows better!

“I’m going to give you a buzz cut like Elijah if you do this again!”  (I think I threatened this last time, I can’t totally remember….but I swear I’ll do it!)

So Jeremy takes her in-side to have a talk with her and gets some scissors to even out the mess.  He had to basically cut a huge angle across her bangs because there’s no way we can cut it up to where the shortest hairs are. 

This will take months to look even.  I’m so miffed at her.

Next Day:

So then, somehow, my oh so wise husband catches wind that the neighbor girl is the one who cut her hair.  WHAT!  There are so many reasons this makes me look like a horrible person and not at all Christ like….at least for a few moments….until I catch my bearings.

I announced to Jeremy that we need to march right down and tell her parents.  Thankfully Jeremy has the good sense to tell me to cool off. 

I take a deep breath.  I remember that, even though the neighbor girl is two years older, it is still quite possible that my 8 year old could pull something off like this as well. 

Forgive Jen, forgive Jen, breath deep Jen.  It’s just hair!

Melly admitted later, as did the neighbor girl, (Don’t worry, Jeremy did all the talking here)  that she brought the scissors to our house and “tried” to cut Meleah’s hair and it didn’t work.  Yeah right it didn’t work….lol!  So she said they tried to even it up.  They did a great job now didn’t they.

Once again, I have received the mother of the day award for my excellent handling of the hair situation and I have had to once again be reminded that things aren’t always what they seem.  And thank goodness my dear husband stopped me from marching down the street because…well….it is just hair.