For all you Michiganders who hail from the Kalamazoo area. I’m happy to announce a new “support group!” Starting October 7th, there is a new support group for women who have been impacted by breast cancer. It will meet at the Portage Free Methodist Church the first Wednesday of every month from 6:30-8:00 pm. Here’s a really cool thing too….there’s free childcare! As a young woman with breast cancer I totally love that! Call the church office if you need more info: (269) 327-5312. I’ll be there!
Partners in Pink
Good Overload
I just got home from my second Willow Creek Leadership Summit. Once again I feel like someone has removed every living brain cell in my head and I’ve been left with mush. I will collect myself in the coming days. I never know weather to cry, dance or take a nap after these two intense days. Yesterday, after my 8 hour leadership infusuin, I went running. It may have been my most powerful run yet. I probably should have (blush)…..oh….ya know. Something about being inspired makes me feel like I have to get energy out. Either that or it was sitting all day.
But really. How can I sum this up for you. So much great info, so little time. Here are my thoughts at the current moment, tomorrow may be different….lol!
1. There are some people who are doing amazing things where they are. I don’t know if they’re doing it for Jesus, for themselves or for humanity. But the way they’re helping people is incredible. I’ve had to question what I’m doing and who I’m doing it for.
2. And back to that whole breast cancer thing. I can’t help wonder what God has saved me for. Maybe it was for my kids. I don’t know. I don’t have anything profound to say about that other than it moves around in my brain a lot. I suppose if I could choose to do anything, now that I’m recovered, is email my oncologist at U of M, Sophia Merijver and see if she can pack me away in her suitcase on her next trip to Northern Africa so I could do something for the outrageous number of women who are getting Inflammatory Breast Cancer. I don’t know what I’d do there, maybe I’d just hug them and cry with them, tell them I’ve been there too. I’m still working that one out in my mind. I suppose writing her would be OK, but I might get in the way. I need a better plan. I’m taking a class this fall at our local community college to see if I can make it in to nursing school. I can get a second BA in a year and then midwifery in the next year. It would be two years full time. Maybe then she would pack me in her suitcase?
3. My favorite speaker was a young woman who was cute and young and giggly and girly and super smart. You gotta love it. This is where our churches just DON”T GET IT! Women……crazy……but true……can be great leaders (and they don’t have to look or act like men to do it either)! Not only that but the world is waiting to see us equally partnering in ministry across the board. Thank heavens an amazing place like Willow Creek who is changing the face of Christian leadership GETS THIS. Because unfortunately most churches out there don’t. (Yes this is my little soap box). So it wasn’t surprising that one of the most amazing interviews they did was with a young woman named Jessica Jackley who helped start KIVA. If you haven’t heard of this organization, you should check it out. You an I can lend as little as $25 to people in third world countries so they can start businesses. Pretty cool, pretty easy, yet the money goes so far. She shared how one woman was able to send her daughters to school. And these aren’t big things, these are small businesses, like buying beads to make necklaces they can cell or making peanut butter.
So those are some of my thoughts. I have more, but I can’t remember right now. It’ll probably come to me later.
Support Relay for Life
Well, I’m going to be walking in my first Relay for Life next weekend. Last year I had a great experience taking Charis and finding the luminaries someone donated on my behalf. I don’t know if you remember but as we drove down to Schoolcraft, we saw a full rainbow. It felt like God was giving us a sign of hope for things to come.
http://clergygirl.wordpress.com/2008/06/29/a-promise/
I remember feeling so overwhelmed as I walked around with Charis that night. Not wanting for Charis to see me cry, I had to fight tears a lot that night. I was on the verge of finishing chemo and wondering if it had done it’s job, and I remember feeling so grateful to all the people who have taken the time to help me get better…..even the ones who just walk and raise money once a year for cancer research.
So this year I’m joining in. If you want to help me make an impact, you can go to the donation page listed below. Thanks.
http://main.acsevents.org/site/TR/RelayForLife/RFLFY09National?px=11083775&pg=personal&fr_id=14518
I Was Diagnosed With IBC When Pregnant/Nursing, on Facebook
I’ve started a page on facebook specifically for women who were diagnosed with Inflammatory Breast Cancer while pregnant or nursing and who were either misdiagnosed, put off treatment, thought they had a plugged duct or mastitis. I’m doing this so I can connect with other women who went through this experience and hopefully in the very near future I want to start an informational web site for women who have mastitis that won’t go away…and need to know the possibilty is there. I had never heard of IBC. I don’t want to “freak out” breast feeding moms but at the same time I know IBC is very fast spreading and information and treatment early is key to survival. So if you know of someone who was diagnosed with IBC when they were pregnant or nursing, please let them know about this facebook page.
Update
Thanks so much for praying for Kristen! She called today and the spot on her lung has shrunk so that means its NOT a tumor (It was probably leftover from a bad cold she had in the fall)! I’m so happy for her! What a huge relief!
Prayer Please!
You have been my prayer warriors! I need you to pray for my friend Kristen this weekend. She finished treatment a few months before me and was scheduled for reconstruction this week…..but they’ve found something small on her lungs. They will be doing a biopsy on it this Monday. She’s young like me with two young kids. I’m stunned by this news. Please, Please, Please pray with me that it will be absolutely NOTHING!
This is how I’m feeling……
I Just Wanna Be OK
The only time I have ever cried during treatment was in the seconds before my mastectomies. As they wheeled me into the operating room I shed a few last minute tears in fear and anticipation.
Today was the second time.
I arrived at my radiation appointment at 2 pm today. They had shown me where I needed to go and change and the waiting room where I wait. When they showed me before, the room was empty. This time it was full of women. As I walked in you could hear the conversation pause. All eyes were on the newbie. And I was getting those sad looks as if to say….she is way to young for this.
Because I was the youthful one in the bunch and there were limited chairs I decided to sit on the floor. One of the ladies was called in and came back quickly. She was extremely happy because she only has three more treatments….which is great. As the ladies peppered her with questions about her treatment she proceeded to show us the siren red rectangles on her chest from radiation.
I was horrified. The newbie almost got up and walked out. I had a few moments of “how can I sneak out of this room without detection” thoughts racing through my head. Not only that but I would have two of those siren red rectangles on my chest. I love to know what is ahead of me on this journey….but I don’t know why, but I wanted to cry right there on the spot.
When I got into the radiation room I had to lay on a hard board with my hands above my head for what seemed like forever while they took pictures to know exactly where they beams would hit. Th painful problem was that I had my mastectomies only a month ago and my muscles do not stretch over my head that well. Within minutes I had no blood circulation to my arms. When I asked if I could take a break they told me they would have to start all over again. After a while they did give me a break but as I started the next time it felt worse. This time I could tell these extremely nice ladies were getting very frustrated with me. They wanted to get this process over. The computers had crashed in the cancer center earlier in the day and they were running behind.
When they told me I had to hold that position and not move the flood burst. I laid there with tears streaming down my face. I could sense them hurrying around me but it still took forever. AND they didn’t even finish. I still have to go in tomorrow and finish the picture on the other side.
As I drove home in tears I realized that the marks on my chest they drew on me come to the middle of my upper chest. Which means the final shred of dignity is lost. I was just warming up to my new figure and feeling OK with my new look and now I realize that any remotely v neck shirts will show my siren red sunburn. Great.
So as I near my house this song comes on the radio.
http://su2c.standup2cancer.org/sutv/lift.php (click on the picture of Ingred Michaelson)
And I am reminded that I made it through chemo. I made it through the removal of both breast. I made it through a cancer diagnosis. I will always be broken. But I am never alone. I have a wonderful community of people around me.
Then I got home and I came in the door and three little munchkins yelled “mommy’s home” and raced to the door to greet me.
I just might go back to radiation tomorrow.
Clergygirl Cancer Counsel #5
Community:
We’ve been camping again this weekend. We arrived yesterday afternoon. Somehow between setting up and bedtime the ties under our pop-up trailer came undone. Weather they weren’t secure when Jeremy set it up or one of the kiddos pulled on them. Anyway….during the night my poor sleeping Elijah (19 months) rolled into the crack and fell right through to the ground. I knew instantly what had happened when I heard him cry. I started yelling “he fell out of the camper Jeremy!” Jeremy half awake ran outside and got him. He was so upset. So was his mama. We both cried. We got him calmed down and he snuggled up next to me on the safe side the rest of the night.
How horrible to be sleeping, warm and snug, then all of a sudden “bam,” you wake up only to hit the hard rocky ground in the middle of the night. What a rude awakening.
This was a little how cancer was for me. I was pretty safe and happy in my warm environment till one day “bam,” you have cancer. I was just going about my business and then I rolled and fell plummeting into a downward spiral. I woke dazed and confused.
When Elijah fell, we immediately examined him to make sure he was alright. We turned the awful lights on and were immediately blinded. He was crying his pitiful little cry. Jeremy went to fill his bottle. Jeremy wanted to turn the lights out but I wasn’t convinsed he was OK.
I pulled him close to me and kissed, and kissed and kissed him. I kept running my hand over his head to feel if he had any bumps that might be growing. Even though I was terribly uncomfortable sleeping on my side with my post-mastectomy body I wouldn’t move because I didn’t want to let go of him. I wanted him to know I was there. We didn’t move the rest of the night.
When I took my own cancer fall I am happy to say I had a great community of support to help me. I’m sure there were times when those I’m close to wanted so bad to hug me and hold me close and erase this misserable stuff that was happening to me. When my world came crashing down I was in a daze and needed support.
If you are experiencing your own cancer fall right now I want to tell you right now is not the time to be shy. Hopefully you have a community of support through your family, church or network of friends. But if you don’t, I would encourage you to find a community that will travel this journey with you. A church is a great place to start.
My church family has called, written cards and brought meals. Many people have offered help with childcare. They also prayed over me and for me throughout this journey. Any church you go to should respond in this way. Call the pastor and explain the situation if you aren’t connected anywhere. Even if you think religion is hog wash….you still need support.
Cancer is a horrible diagnosis. The initial shock is something that cannot really be explained if you haven’t experienced it. But having a supportive network around you makes a world of difference. It makes traveling this journey a little less painful.
By the way. Elijah is just fine. So am I. You will be too.
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