I just want to say thanks to everyone who has been so encouraging of my writing here at the blog. It’s been 4 years since I was a full-time pastor. Preaching everyweek. People needed me and for the most part I found ministry challenging and fullfilling. I went through a huge abyss of loneliness and anger after I quit working. It was challenging for me. How do you go from being needed (My kids need me but you know….) busy every second of the day to wiping snotty noses and what feels like sometimes full-time waitress (Meleah is always hungry). I love being home with my kids but I struggle to find my fit right now in the church. And now I can’t commit to much of anything because I’m sick one week every three weeks. So thanks for being my cheerleaders and reminding me that I am capable and needed and an inspiration and writing can be a ministry right now.
1 Corinthians 4:7-12
I am pressed….but not crushed, perplexed, confused, crazy with questions….how did I get cancer? But the Bible says “I’m not abandoned or struck down.” I get sore from chemo. sick, depressed (horribly for about one week) I have a metalic taste in my mouth (like I let an asprin disolve on my tongue), and my fingernails hurt. BUT I”M NOT CRUSHED! And I carry Christ crucified in me which means I can not fully understand the depth of suffering he endured for me, but I carry just a little bit when I encounter the frailness of what the world offers. (and I am growing more painfully aware of human suffering these days). I am reminded that I am truly frail…..like clay jars….easily breakable….easily chipped….heavy and burdensome. But Jesus makes me whole. Not truly complete until we are face to face. But he promises wholeness. He will transform my frail and broken body. Mortal death is always at work in this world but healing….complete healing…is always awaiting me….in my heart and spirit through what Christ did on the cross. True life is always at work in us as broken and chipped and as burdened as we are.