I Am Free


I can’t think of a more appropriate time to find out you’re free of cancer than Independance Day.  Watching the fireworks on Friday was extra special.  I held Elijah in my arms and thought….we’re going to have a lot more of these together.  When I got the news from my oncologist I went right over to my family doctor’s office to tell them the news.  It was Dr. Al’s day for office work but I figured he’d emerge from the back to hear my news.  I told the receptionist (Sadie) I had some good news for him.  He came out and was so happy…..he said I made his weekend.  I figure doctors don’t always want to just hear about sickness….and he’s helped me so much with a natural approach so I wanted to make sure he was one of the first to hear.   Then I went to the church so they could put it on the prayer chain. 

Overall I just feel a huge sense of relief.  I have often thought of our servicemen and women who are sent off to war.  Certainly the unknown of the situation is scarry.  Battling cancer is probably much of the same feeling.  We all know the saying from FDR….”the only thing to fear is fear itself.”  The biggest struggle is the constant fear.  Will I grow old with Jeremy.  Will Elijah remember me.  Those fears….even though my breast looked so much better continued to haunt me.  I’m still scared.  Now I have to face a surgery that I can honestly say I am not very excited about.  You’d think I’d want to get rid of these breasts.  But no.  Quite frankly I don’t.  They’ve been with me for 36 years and I’m quite sad to see them go.  I feel like a toddler who refuses to flush their precious poopy down the toilet.  I know they aren’t necessary, but I still want them:) 

So I celebrate my freedom from cancer….but I continue to struggle with fear.  The passage I refer to in my head these days is in Mark 5 when the woman who had been bleeding for 12 years reaches through the crowd to touch Jesus in hopes that she would be healed.  An outcast in that society for being unclean, surely she wanted healing.  And then Jairus comes, a Jewish official, certainly a last ditch effort to save his daughter.  It appears to be too late.  But here’s what Jesus says.  “Do not fear, only believe.”  And so this short and powerful phrase rings through my ears.  I can feel the pain of the woman who is reaching out to touch Jesus and the ruler who certainly had it all together, a rich powerful official, begging for Jesus, his only hope.  Maybe only half believing that this man was really who he said he was.  But Jesus reashures them….no fear….don’t fear….I am near. 

So this fourth of July I am sensing God’s nearness.  Relief from fear.  Relief from a good portion of the unknown.  I am feeling His touch, his healing presence.  I am free.

We sang a song this morning in church.  The words are so appropriate to how I’m feeling today:

Newsboys – I Am Free
From the album Go – Limited Edition CD

Through you the blind will see
Through you the mute will sing
Through you the dead will rise
Through you our hearts will praise
Through you the darkness flees
Through you my heart screams I am free
I am freeChorus: (2x’s)
I am free to run
(I am free to run)
I am free to dance
(I am free to dance)
I am free to live for you
(I am free to live for you)
I am free
(I am free)
Yes, I am free
(I am free)

Through you the blind will see
Through you the mute will sing
Through you the dead will rise
Through you our hearts will praise
Through you the darkness flees
Through you my heart screams I am free
I am free
Are you free?
I am free

 

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13 thoughts on “I Am Free

  1. Kim and Cody Knight says:

    Praise God!!! We are so happy for you Jen.

    Love,
    Kim & Cody

  2. Beth Voigt says:

    Praise God!!! We have been gone visiting family in South Dakota and doing some other traveling so I haven’t been able to check your blog super regularly. What terrific news to come home to!! I am so happy for you and will continue to pray as your journey is not finished yet. Fear not, friend, God is so good and faithful. Just a side note… I had my yearly doctor’s appointment this morning and I have my first ever mammogram scheduled.

    I love you, Jen!
    Beth V.

  3. Justine McKenna says:

    I sit at Dino’s coffee shop with tears in my eye’s, joy in my heart, and praise on my lips! My God, my God, how awesome are your ways! I praise you, Lord, for your compassion and love!

    Jen, I rejoice with you and your family. I am so grateful for His touch on you. You are a gift and a very special woman. May the Lord use all of this for His Glory.

    I love you,

    Justine McKenna

  4. Pedro, Angela & Elijah says:

    Jen
    We are so Thankful to hear how well your results were. Our Lord Jesus is so Amazing! Praise you Lord!
    You are in our thoughts and prayers.

  5. Trish says:

    Thank you Jesus! Such great news! I am so happy to hear of your positive news Jen. You are such an inspiration! Praise God… He is soo good!!!!

    Blessings! Trish

  6. jillaldrich says:

    Rock on, Clergy Girl! I am so happy to read *your* good news 🙂

  7. Kim says:

    I Praise the Lord from the depth of my soul! My beautiful daughter-in -law, the wife of my son, the mother of my grandchildren, is free.
    I love you,
    Kim

  8. Chanda Szczeblowski, AAHCC says:

    Jen! I am SO happy to hear your fantastic news. I knew that this would be just another memory for you.

    I hope that you can get back to teaching Bradley. You have so many lessons to share. Remember that fear creates tension and that is NEVER good. Remember that as much as you fear things– there is no reason to live in that shadow. You’ve made it through the hard part.

    The rest will be cake. You have built up enough Karma to last you through the next millenia….

  9. Beth says:

    This is an amazing blessing from God! My dear friend, I look forward to how God is going to use His healing in you to teach His children. You praise Him and others will know His power!

  10. shelli kratzer says:

    God is so good! I love you friend! I am so, so thankful! YIPPEE! I’m dancing! I’m singing Hallelujah!

  11. Deb Kloosterman says:

    OHHH JEN!!!!!! I have tears of JOY!!! GOD is SOOOO GOOD and YOU, my friend, are so AMAZING…I just get goosebumps thinking about the nurse calling you and the doctors amazement….Wonderful!!!!……..by being so open, you also have been able to share, release and let go, all the while letting in so much prayer and healing…..We are SO very excited to hear this news…….and what a beautiful picture of Charis in front of the rainbow!LOVE and HUGS, warmly, Deb
    p.s. we of course, continue to pray for your upcoming surgery and peace of mind………..

  12. Kim Kopec says:

    Yeahhhhh Jen!!!

    I am so happy for you – God is so good!!! You now have to change your tagline at the top of your blog from “breast cancer challenged” to “breast cancer conquerer”!

    Love ya,

    Kim

  13. banu says:

    holy freedom, holy feeling with prays

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