I’m snuggled up in bed tonight with my boys.  Elijah is asleep between Jeremy and I.  Exactly where I want him to be.  He knows his mama is hurting and I can tell he does a little less kicking me in the night when we sleep.  Tonight he played a game of running back and forth between my MIL and myself giving us kisses.  There is nothing cuter than a 1 1/2 year old playing a kissing game.  I’m pretty sure he knows his mama needs extra loving. 

Today at the leadership conference I had a revelation.  I had a few, but I’m only going to tell you one.  I’m not sure you’ve ever heard of the Amazon Warriors in Greek Mythology.  These were female warriors who would remove their breasts so they would have better aim when shooting a bow and arrow.  Removing their breasts meant better aim.  I have wondered since being diagnosed with breast cancer what God is trying to teach me.  I’m wondering if somehow, before this all happened I had a sloppy aim.  Maybe breast cancer is teaching me to aim a little closer to the target.  Not that I can’t live life the fullest with breasts, but maybe something needed to soften my heart in order for me to have compassion for people the way He has compassion for people. 

A man named Bill George spoke and he quoted someone as saying “Follow your compass and not your clock.”  I spend a lot of time worrying that my career is leaving me in the dust.  I pastored for five years and for the past three years I’ve been home with my kiddos.  I need to remember that God knows my clock better than me.  5 months ago I wasn’t sure I’d be alive today.  I need to not be so focused on the clock and start focusing on the compass.  I have realized more than ever the valuable leadership lessons God is teaching me right here from the kids and cancer than probably all five years in ministry.  He is teaching me to listen to him.  To be fully connected to him. To hone in on my aim.  I don’t need my breasts for that.

One more thing about today.  Bill Hybels interviewed Wendy Kopp from “Teach for America”  which takes the best of the best students graduating from top colleges and recruits them to teach in impoverished areas where education is lacking.  It FLOORED me to see how totally impressed he was with her.  Kudos to Bill for looking past gender and age to call her a “TOP DOG LEADER!”  I hope I’m not the only one who noticed that a young woman was providing radical and amazing leadership in the field of education.  If only we’d be more pro-active about recruiting women to do amazing and radical things for the church!

And I did pick up Nancy Beach’s new book called Gifted to Lead about women in ministry.  I’m looking forward to reading it. 


2 thoughts on “Aim

  1. Shana Wartner says:

    Just wanted to let you know, I’m up too. Reading your blog lately has been amazing. Your grace and strength are amazing.

    It does get better, every day (that’s what my other Jennifer said).

    Peace and hugs,

  2. suzy2110 says:

    My friend emailed me the link to your blog because I’m about to start my chemo in about ten day’s time. I’ve just been diagnosed with breast cancer in both boobs at 32, with young kids, like you.

    I’ll be having a double mastectomy some time early next year once my chemo finishes.

    It’s great to be able to read your account and hopefully have a clearer picture of what’s to come. Thank you for writing it! Good luck with your recovery and for the future!

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