Clergygirl Cancer Counsel #3

I’m taking my own advice: don’t try to stick it out if you need the pain meds!

Yesterday I was hurting.  Emotionally and physically.  It’s very difficult to describe the post-mastectomy pain.  My armpits and the back of my arms hurt the worst.  It’s just very uncomfortable.  It’s a numbing, burning type sensation and I’m scared it will never go away.  I have to remind myself I’m only 3 1/2 weeks out from this and I need to be patient.

Besides hurting yesterday I kept looking at things that reminded me of my loss.  We went swimming with the kids last night and as I was getting my swim suit I glanced at my…ugh-hum…unmentionables (lol).  Not that I wear them now that we have three kids…..we’re usually on the quickie route when we are intimate.  Non-the-less I’m sad I don’t want to wear them and how this has effected my desire for intimacy with Jeremy.  I feel sad for him and then I feel guilty even though he doesn’t want me to feel that way. 

Then we got to the beach and of course I looked like a breast cancer patient with my hair and flat breasts.  So I felt self-consious.  But I refuse to mope at home for my kids sake I need to live weather I feel like it some days or not.  And then I just hurt.  The water was cold and it added to my misery so I watched Jeremy romp with the kiddos.

Then she showed up.  This beautiful woman with totally flat breasts.  I watched her play with her kids.  They were such a cute family.  And she was as cute as could be with no breasts.  Seriously.  I really don’t think she had had cancer and there she was to remind me I was not alone with my flat breasts.  And I could still be cute:)

So I’m dealing with alot of emotional issues with the loss of my breasts, I can at least take some pain meds to feel more comfortable.  I’m taking my own advice.

2 thoughts on “Clergygirl Cancer Counsel #3

  1. Melanie says:

    Hi, Jen! I hope this doesn’t come across like I’m a weirdo. 🙂 I just randomly clicked on your blog link from Sara Luke’s blog and I really identified with your profile. First of all, my mom had breast cancer and a single mastectomy back in 1998. I was only 12 then, but I remember being in charge of much of her care and seeing the pain she endured. She’s been in remission for 10 years now! Praise God! I will be praying for your healing–physical as well as emotional.

    On another note, I just beginning my role as a female in the ministry. I graduated from SAU in philosophy/religion and will be taking on the youth pastor role at an FM church. I’m thrilled! But I’m also a little fearful (being female and all) and considering pursuing an MDiv. I love my studies and I love ministry, so I guess I shouldn’t be worried. I just feel young and unqualified at times. So your story has given me hope. Thank you. Oh, and if you have any advice for me…feel free to drop it off at my blog:

  2. Amy says:

    From the smaller breasted family member: yes, we can still be cute, LOL… and I agree that you should take pain meds if you need them. I do believe that it takes awhile to heal from many surgeries, and you should try to baby or pamper yourself whenever there is a chance!

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