I’m taking my own advice: don’t try to stick it out if you need the pain meds!
Yesterday I was hurting. Emotionally and physically. It’s very difficult to describe the post-mastectomy pain. My armpits and the back of my arms hurt the worst. It’s just very uncomfortable. It’s a numbing, burning type sensation and I’m scared it will never go away. I have to remind myself I’m only 3 1/2 weeks out from this and I need to be patient.
Besides hurting yesterday I kept looking at things that reminded me of my loss. We went swimming with the kids last night and as I was getting my swim suit I glanced at my…ugh-hum…unmentionables (lol). Not that I wear them now that we have three kids…..we’re usually on the quickie route when we are intimate. Non-the-less I’m sad I don’t want to wear them and how this has effected my desire for intimacy with Jeremy. I feel sad for him and then I feel guilty even though he doesn’t want me to feel that way.
Then we got to the beach and of course I looked like a breast cancer patient with my hair and flat breasts. So I felt self-consious. But I refuse to mope at home for my kids sake I need to live weather I feel like it some days or not. And then I just hurt. The water was cold and it added to my misery so I watched Jeremy romp with the kiddos.
Then she showed up. This beautiful woman with totally flat breasts. I watched her play with her kids. They were such a cute family. And she was as cute as could be with no breasts. Seriously. I really don’t think she had had cancer and there she was to remind me I was not alone with my flat breasts. And I could still be cute:)
So I’m dealing with alot of emotional issues with the loss of my breasts, I can at least take some pain meds to feel more comfortable. I’m taking my own advice.