Thanks For The Memories


Memory.  Remembering things good or bad that happened in the past.  That would be my definition here in a pinch.  Our memory includes things we did, places we saw, experiences with others, mistakes we made.  What it doesn’t include is something that was going on that we didn’t know about.  How can we remember something that we didn’t know was happening?

I know….I am taking pain meds for this lovely sunburn.  But I’ve been thinking about this alot lately.

When I was diagnosed with IBC my doctor told me that I had probably only had it for 3-4 months before I was diagnosed. 

So I’ve been thinking a lot about what my body was doing a year ago at this time.  What was it about last Fall that a minute cell in my body got the wrong information and starting creating chaos in my breast?  What was I doing last fall?  What did I touch?  What did I smell?  What did I eat? 

I have spent many a day wondering what it was that caused my cancer.  This is a big month for breast cancer and everyplace I read I realize how low risk I am.  Whew….what a relief!  LOL!  I breastfed for 6 years total.  I had no family history?  I was not gene positive.  I exercised A LOT as a youth…..was in track, cross-country and cheer-leading.  Ran and coached after college.  Taught swimming lessons, did triathlons.

Jeremy says one day I’m going to have to give up knowing how I got breast cancer.  My oncologist says it’s pretty normal.

Here are some thoughts that have passed through my head.

Was it any of the following?

I live near a highway?

I like ice cream?

I drink way too much coffee?

I painted my front door last fall and got it all over my hands?

I bought a new mini-van and paid extra to have them put toxic chemicals all over the outside to keep it looking new longer?

I sleep on a mattress that probably has fire retardents.

I swam for years in chlorine including washing everyday in the shower with chlorinated treated water?

I had an IUD (don’t anymore)?

Lived in old house for several years?

Drank unfiltered water for years?

Gained more than 50 pounds when I was pregnant?

Eat animal products (Thanks to The China Study)?

Oh…..I could go on.  If I’ve ever done it, I’ve considered it.

Jeremy is probably right.  I’ll probably never know. 

But it doesn’t stop me from thinking about it occasionally and trying to figure it out.  And on the anniversary of my body making a HUGE mistake I find my mind wondering as to the cause.

Oh the memories….

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One thought on “Thanks For The Memories

  1. I completely know what you mean. Six years ago today my mom died from IBC. We had zero family history. Eight years ago this month she was dx’d with IBC. From that day, and still, I started wondering what caused it. What did she do? What did she eat? What did she drink? Was it her hormone replacement? How will I deal with menopause (I was 24 at the time)? What will/would I do if I were diagnosed? I don’t think about it as often anymore, but I still think about it.

    A few years after her passing, or maybe it was just a year, I had a dream where she told me it was phelyn whatever that is in diet pop. Now I didn’t have any meaningful knowledge of the ingredients in diet pop and it was months later that I recognized the word on the side of a diet Vernors I was drinking that it dawned on me. I have sense really limited the amount of diet pop. But I don’t remember my mom drinking diet pop. Still, I can’t help but be haunted by that dream.

    I guess what I want to say is it still bothers me, the what if’s. You are completely normal. Congrats! 🙂

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