It really is hard to move on. On one hand I’m so glad to be done with cancer. But I’m really not sure I’ll ever be done with cancer. It might be gone from my body, but it has left it’s mark in the form of emotional and physical scars. Life can get busy and I can move on, but I’ll never be the same, for better and for worse.
Yesterday at church the lesson was based in Exodus 12 when the Israelites get their “goods” together and the Egyptians allow them to leave Egypt. Not only that but the Egyptians allowed them to “plunder” their goods, so to speak, and give them all their silver and gold (nice going away gift, huh!). It just seemed like such a fitting analogy for me at this place in my life. I can’t begin to know how hellish life was for the Israelites under Egyptian slavery, but I do know the hellish nightmare of cancer. I do believe I’m at a pivotal point in my life where God is allowing me to move on, plundering maybe a bit in the glow of recovery and remission, and not only that, He’s allowing me to grasp hold of things that have been so important to me. I can’t go into details but he’s opening doors for me in my life that I would have never ever thought He would again and in a way that is truly a gift. I am reminded that His timing is perfect. He has allowed me to go without, to walk through the valley, to experience great pain, and experience great sadness. But He has never left me. He is pruning me and preparing me.
“I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful. You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you. Remain in me, and I will remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me.” (John 15:1-4)