Interrupted


Cancer is really like having a conversation with one of those really anti-social people who dominate the conversation all the time.  Like the people who only talk about themselves and never let you talk.  Or when you do talk they cut you off.   Sometimes it’s so obnoxious that all you can do is stand there in sheer bewilderment because you just can’t believe they don’t get it.

My life has just been getting back to normal lately.  I started working again this summer.  I decided to quit talking about taking a class towards my long-term goal of becoming a midwife and actually doing it.  My children are keeping me busy.  Meleah, my middle child, turned five on Thursday.  And like all children’s birthdays, we celebrated once on her birthday and then we threw a shin-dig on Friday night.  On Thursday I also got a call that they had an opening for me to get my ultrasound done with Dr. Jacobs.  Take note:  It’s never a good idea to have scans done on important days.  Birthdays, anniversaries, Valentine’s Day.  These are all off-limits for scanning.  They really should just shut the scanning machines down on days like Valentine’s Day because it really isn’t fair for anyone to find out they have something suspicious on a day like Valentine’s Day, ya know.   Seriously.

So here’s why cancer is like an anti-social interrupter.  Because when they looked at my scan, they didn’t like what they saw.  They actually weren’t totally clear on what they were seeing.  And they were honest, they don’t see a lot of post-diep patients in Kalamazoo.  They see a lot of implants, but not a lot of diep.  But something looked weird, and weird enough to say “let’s do an MRI.”  So I get this dang interruption on my daughter’s 5th birthday.  And when I get home, what I really want to do is go hide under the covers of my bed and have a good cry, but instead I get to put a smile on my face and celebrate her birthday.  And today I went to my first class and tried really hard to listen to the topic and not think about my interruption, and this afternoon I ran around like crazy getting ready for the party and I’ve decided that in order to truly get your mind of something you must remain very, very (did I say very) busy.  And surprisingly enough, I did forget my interruption tonight at the party and had a very good time celebrating Meleah’s birthday with friends. 

But now the house is quiet.  I am dreading my MRI scheduled for 6 am tomorrow morning.  I can’t sleep and I find this strangely familiar to the blogging in the middle of the night I did in my early diagnosis when I couldn’t sleep.   And to be completely honest, I’m angry about this interruption.  I really want to scream obscenities at this cancer interruption.  I want to stop the madness of the interruptions so I can be completely given over to things like my daughters 5th birthday because this was afterall her day, her special day,  and dang it cancer, you weaseled yourself in once again.

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5 thoughts on “Interrupted

  1. Stella Davis says:

    Holding my breath and saving my prayers. And damning the rude interloper!

  2. Becky says:

    Jen, so sorry that you are having to go through this. Praying that all is well and it is simply a diep related thing that they have never seen before.

  3. Nicole says:

    Ugh. I’m so sorry you have to deal with more inscanity. Praying for you.

  4. kristen mcdermott says:

    Saying a prayer Jen. You are right. You are living the life of a survivor. I’m glad to hear that you’re taking care of yourself, maintaining your health after cancer isn’t easy. Speak to you real soon.

    Kristen

  5. Nicole Wick says:

    This is such an amazing post. Thank you so much for sharing it.

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