“Don’t be bluffed into silence by the threats of bullies. There’s nothing they can do to your soul, your core being. Save your fear for God, who holds your entire life—body and soul—in his hands.” (Matthew 10:28)
I spoke at a cancer conference yesterday at a local church. I knew I was supposed to speak about my experience with reconstruction but somehow I missed that I was supposed to speak in the main session and share my testimony. Woops! When I arrived I forgot to pick up a schedule on my way in and I had this very creeping feeling that I was supposed to be up on the main panel. Maybe it was when the coordinator announced she had survivors from their 60’s, 50’s, 40’s and 30’s. I looked around for the other 30 something survivor. I dunno….just had a feeling. So after a woman in her 40’s spoke all of a sudden I heard my name. Yikes. All I can say is that it is a good thing my professional experience involves speaking in public. I was actually glad to speak and to not have laid awake last night worrying about what I would say. It was better this way.
It’s actually these kind of opportunities that are helping me heal.
I preached a few weeks ago at our church.
They are reminders to me that I am not completely washed up and useless. Which is very much how I’ve felt this past couple years.
Worried the cancer ruined my ability to function fully. Worried the painful experiences with the church would forever ruin my spirit.
I do believe I have been hurt by the “bullies” of life. I know I’m not alone. Beaten and broken physically.Words that hurt.
I could go on and on.
But I’m counting on deeper things than physical hurts.
I’m hanging on for the soul awakening. The blooming yet to come from living in the fear of the Lord rather than fear of people or cancer.
I am far deeper a person than my breasts or my issues with anxiety.
I am thankful for people who have given me opportunities to remind me that I am far more than my physical struggles. That I am capable. That I am healing. That I am blooming. That my soul is in good hands.