Most women are pretty critical of their bodies. We complain about our hips or our nose or our saggy breasts. Then someone goes to take our breasts away and we cry and scream in our pillows for the flawed breasts we once had. I wish I was the woman who said “good-riddance” and never looked back, but I’m not. I still cry for my saggy, imperfect mammary glands that seemed so flawed at one time and now seem as majestic as the seven wonders of the world (minus the cancer that then overcame them).
But since I can’t have my God-made wonders back, I am going to settle for man-made. I have to, what other option do I have other than nothing?
The creator of my man-made wonders, my ever so kind plastic surgeon sat with me as I complained yesterday. Which I feel a bit bad about now since these are his creations. But he took it all well. We revisited the fact that I had inflammatory breast cancer, which in the end caused him to tell me that he would not do fat transfer on me. I’m still coming to terms with this since I really (really!) like the idea of moving fat from somewhere else to fill in the new breasts and their flaws and the indentation caused by digger. But he won’t. He was nice about it, and he gave a pretty good reason and that is, because I’ve had IBC, if I did have a reccurence it would probably effect my skin, and having extra fat in that area would cause necrosis. Which would mean more “digger” type issues….and Lord knows I don’t want another digger!
So my option is small implants. This would fill out the flaws and the indentations and make me just a tad bigger. It would also help pancake resemble righty. I really don’t want to be much bigger, but he said in perportion to my size, a little bit bigger would be good. Plus I have lost some weight since the surgery and I think I lost some in my breasts as well.
You’all know I have not wanted implants. This option is not all that exciting for me. He looked me in the eye and vowed that saline implants were safe. He answered the question we all have….”would you recommend this to any female in your family” and the answer was yes.
We agreed I would sit on this for a while. I’m not in any hurry to make this decision and since digger only finally, completely closed about a week ago, I should wait. So I think it could be several months before I make a final decision regarding the implant option.
He showed me more pictures because I am a little sad about how the scars look. I told him my fears about having the nipples put on and how I just am pretty sad with my lumpy, scar-y, breasts. I wonder sometimes if I’ll ever adjust to the new ones and the new look. I’ve tried sunless tanning and pretty bras, but nothing seems to make me feel better about them. They’re just not my old ones and I still have a hard time with that. Can anyone relate to this?
He was very nice to me once again. Who knew plastic surgeons also had to be psychiatrists. He seemed pretty confident that I would eventually adjust. And I had no idea this fix-up deal would be such a long process. I’m really glad he had me look at more pictures, and I took special note of how long it was from before to after. Several of them were two years later and the scaring was significantly lighter. He even showed me one that had a DIEP and then implants and I have to say she looked pretty good.
So I have some decisions to make. There’s no hurry. There’s no cancer. There’s just me adjusting to something new once again and deciding how and when to proceed.